It’s no secret that becoming a foster parent changes your family dynamics, particularly with your own children: one day they have your undivided attention, the next, they’re living with an unfamiliar young person who requires a lot of your time and energy. So, how do you make sure your own children feel happy and supported while fostering?
The benefits of growing up in a foster family
Many birth children really enjoy being part of a family that fosters. There are so many benefits to growing up in a foster family, including:
- The chance to gain a new sibling and build lasting relationships
- Learning important values such as gratitude, empathy and being understanding of other’s needs
- If you choose to make fostering your full-time career, your children will be able to enjoy spending more time with you as a family
- Free family events and special support tailored to your own children’s needs
“Watching my children bond with the young person in my care, and seeing what they are learning from the experience too, is a huge reward. Now my own daughter has aspirations to work with disadvantaged children or children with disabilities.”
-Sarah, one of our foster mums
Read more of Sarah’s story, or learn more about how fostering can benefit your loved ones.
Are my own children ready to foster?
When you’re considering fostering, it’s important to take a realistic approach and be aware of the challenges that can prop up for children who are growing up in a foster family. Fostering is not all sunshine and roses, and various challenges can prop up in your family home as dynamics change, including:
- Children getting used to sharing their space, as well as your time and attention
- Struggles with sibling jealousy
- Imitating one another’s behaviours
- The emotional impact of having to say goodbye when a foster child leaves your home
Many children who need foster care have also experienced trauma, which might mean that they need extra time and attention and may experience challenges in their behaviour and in their social relationships with others. They’ll need long term specialist care and therapeutic support in order to heal. That’s where our trauma-informed training for foster parents comes in— we’ll give you all the tools you need to build a harmonious home environment.
How to talk to your children about fostering
When choosing to foster, it’s important to involve your children in the decision as best as you can, just as you would if you were fostering with a partner. The viewpoint of everyone in your household should be carefully taken on board, and everyone should have a clear understanding of what fostering is, and how it might change your day-to-day life as a family. When discussing becoming a foster parent with your own children, be sure to:
- Take the time to fully understand the realities of fostering so that you can prepare yourself and your child for what your new life might look like. Our free guide to fostering can help.
- Encourage your child to ask questions, and use language appropriate to their age to help them understand.
- Explain to them in advance how life might be different, and how sharing is a big part of having a new sibling.
- Don’t pressure your child into being enthusiastic about fostering; make space for them to voice their needs and concerns, and take them on board when you decide which types of fostering might be best for your family.
- Be sure to always remain attentive to your child’s wellbeing throughout your time fostering, and if you have any concerns about their needs, speak with your Supervising Social Worker who’ll be able to help.
5 tips to get the most out of fostering with your own children
1) Involve them in decisions
Involving your child in small decisions, such as helping to pick out items for your fostering bedroom or helping to create a family book which will feature photographs and information about your family, including pets. You could also ask them to put together a list of ideas on things to you can do together as a family to get to know each other in those first few weeks, building excitement about the new journey you’ll be embarking on as a family.
2) Encourage empathy
Children in foster care have faced big challenges in their lives. Talk to your child about why their foster sibling might need some extra attention or allowances for their behaviour, and that when they first arrive they may be upset and may not want to become best friends straight away. If they have an understanding of how the child in your care may be feeling, they are more likely to be patient and empathise with them.
3) Spend time together
Fostering is a 24/7 job. If you or your partner are fostering full-time, this will allow you to be at home and spend plenty of quality time with the kids. As well as spending time together as a family, it’s also important to ensure that you set aside time to focus on each of your own children so that they don’t feel pushed aside. Use natural openings in your schedule, such as when your foster child is visiting their birth family, to enjoy some 1-1 time together.
4) Ensure boundaries are respected
A foster home functions best with clear boundaries and expectations, imposed with love and care. Your home should be a safe space for every person living in there. Every foster child should have their own bedroom for privacy and there should be rules in place which apply to every child equally, for example around borrowing items or touching one another’s things. When children know that their personal space and belongings are respected, you’ll enjoy a harmonious home environment.
5) Access our support for kids who foster
We recognise the important role birth children play in foster care and want to make sure they feel supported. We offer lots of support tailored to birth children as well as fun events for your whole family, like our recent fun day at Perrymill Farm. Make the most of our family fun days and the our other support specifically for birth children so that your child is able to talk about their feelings and befriend other children in families that foster.
Fostering: it’s a family effort
If you’re interested in fostering in Birmingham or the surrounding areas, we here at Clifford House can help you to make the best decision for your family. Enquire with our friendly Midlands-based agency today.
Interested in learning more about getting started with fostering in the West Midlands? Check out our blogs on how to prepare for your first foster child and what to do on your first day with a foster child for more helpful tips.