Christmas is a magical time of year for many children, but it can sometimes be difficult for young people in foster care. The holiday season can be a painful reminder of separation from family members, and children may struggle with feelings of belonging.
That’s why it’s so important that foster parents are on to help their foster children to enjoy the holiday as best as they can, by making it a special time of family, fun and festivities. Whether you’ve been fostering for years or it’s your very first holiday season together as a foster family, we’ve got plenty of tips to make it an all-around cracking Christmas!
- 1. Build up excitement for the festivities to come
Some children in foster care may never have experienced the true magic of Christmas before, and may have come from a home where presents, glossy Christmas dinners and quality time with family weren’t commonplace. Christmas may be overwhelming or unfamiliar for children, so it can be a great idea to ease your foster child into the festivities by finding ways to build their excitement.
For younger children, you could take part in the whacky new tradition of Elf on the Shelf, where you purchase a toy elf and pose him in fun scenarios such as making a mess of the kitchen while building a gingerbread house or have him swinging from the Christmas decorations. In the days running up to Christmas, why not get crafty by making cards for loved ones and friends, making a sugared fruit centrepiece or drying out orange slices to make traditional festive garlands.
Decorating your Christmas tree together as a family, going carolling in your local community and counting down the days until Father Christmas arrives with an advent calendar or candle are also classic ways to get into the holiday spirit.
- 2. Ensure every child feels valued and special
One of the biggest concerns that foster families have around Christmas is making sure that every child feels like part of the family. Children in care may feel left out around Christmas, particularly if you spend Christmas with extended family who they don’t know too well. They may also experience feelings of jealousy or envy towards your biological children.
Ensure that your foster child is just as involved with the fun and festivities as any other children in your family. Make sure that each child receives a similar amount of presents of similar value— for example, if your own child receives a pricy new games console or a handknitted gift while your foster child receives inexpensive or less heartfelt items, they may feel like favouritism is at play. Our fostering allowance includes an additional Christmas bonus which you can use to ensure your foster child gets to make the most of the holiday.
One tip to help ensure that your foster child knows how much they mean to your family around Christmas time is to have each member of your family write them a heartfelt message in their Christmas card. Many children in care need to be reminded how special and loved they really are— even a small gesture can help to build their self-esteem.
- 3. Give children space to celebrate in their own way
As we mentioned above, Christmas can be overwhelming for foster children. Spending the day at one of your relative’s houses or being surrounded by lots of people can be challenging, and the expectation to be happy and smiley all day long can be too much for a care-experienced child. Make sure you give your young person the ability to take some time for themselves to decompress during the day, and don’t be disappointed if they don’t seem fully in the Christmas spirit.
Even if they love you as their foster family very much, a child who’s separated from their biological family will likely feel loneliness on Christmas day, when everyone else is spending the day with their parents and siblings. Memories and emotions of the past may also come flooding back on such an important day. Give them the space they need to feel their feelings, and be by their side to help them regulate if they need your emotional support.
- 4. Make space for your child’s birth family
One of the biggest gifts you can give your foster child this Christmas is the ability to connect with their birth family. Family time is incredibly important for children in care, and most children will keep in touch with key loved ones like parents, siblings or grandparents while living with their foster family.
The level of contact your foster children can have with their family over Christmas will depend on their unique care plan. You may be able to arrange for your foster child to have a supervised visit with family over the Christmas period, or you could even host a family member at your own home so you can all celebrate the day together. Video calls, phone calls, sending Christmas cards and gifts are other great ways to connect over the holiday season—just be sure to clear any plans with your Supervising Social Worker.
Another important thing to remember is the importance of respecting any gifts which come from your child’s family. Children in care often have few opportunities to connect with their loved ones, and something as special as a gift or a card can mean the world to them. Keep these items safe and ensure any children in your home respect your foster child’s treasures and boundaries around touching their things.
- 5. Involve children in your family traditions— and let them introduce their own!
Each family develops their own Christmas traditions, whether it’s new pyjamas on Christmas eve or kicking Boxing Day off with a sandwich made from yummy leftovers, these little family traditions can become instrumental in building a sense of unity and identity. Making your foster child a part of your family traditions shows them that they truly are part of the family.
Embracing a child’s family traditions, or allowing them to invent their own, can also be a great way to enjoy Christmas as a family. Talk with them and find out if there’s anything they’d like to incorporate. Perhaps Christmas isn’t Christmas for them unless they watch a Christmas movie before Santa arrives, or if there isn’t a healthy portion of tangy red cabbage on the dinner table. Trying something new can be great fun for the whole family.
When it comes to crystallising precious Christmas memories, it’s a great idea to make a keepsake box for your foster child. Family photos under the Christmas tree, hand-made decorations or dog-eared Christmas cards can all become treasured memories for your foster child to take with them as they grow older and leave your care.
Supporting a child’s emotional needs at Christmas
Many children in foster care live with developmental trauma due to the experiences they will have encountered in their family home. That can mean they need help to manage their emotions around the festive season, and our trauma-informed training for foster parents will help you to provide the guidance and co-regulation strategies they need.
If you find you’re in need of any advice over the festive season, feel free to give our local office a call or have a chat with your Supervising Social Worker. By working together, we’ll ensure that your family Christmas is enjoyable for everyone.
Get into the Christmas spirit with Clifford House
Already feeling festive? Why not treat yourself to a cheeky mince pie and enjoy a cosy read of our blog on tips for enjoying Christmas together as a foster family in the West Midlands, or learn more about the support our families receive around the festive season, including invitations to fun Christmas events like our trips to the Panto!