What is trauma?  

Trauma is the brain and body’s reaction to experiencing or witnessing something extremely upsetting. Trauma can result from one adverse experience, such as witnessing a death, or can result from prolonged difficult circumstances like experiencing abuse or neglect.  

Trauma can occur at any age, even in the womb, and every child in care will have faced significant disruption in their young lives. Many will live with Complex Developmental Trauma as a result of their experiences, which can impact brain development, their ability to self-regulate and the rate at which they hit traditional milestones.

The trauma of separation in foster care 

Imaging you have lost everything: your family, your home, your way of life. You have no control, no say, and no real understanding of what’s happening and why. That’s the reality of life for many children in foster care. Even if a child’s home environment has been far from perfect, being taken away from everything they have ever known can be extremely traumatic— even if they’re being taken some place safe, like a loving foster home.  

Even when a child goes to live somewhere safe, it won’t automatically feel like home. It takes a lot of care, attention and therapeutic support for children to start feeling okay after experiencing trauma, and it may take them a long time to build trust in you when you become their foster parent.

 

Interested in learning more? 

Get a more in-depth look at how children respond to trauma, along with resources for additional learning, by checking out our guidance on being a trauma-informed foster parent.

 

Managing trauma triggers with your foster child 

Children who have experienced trauma often struggle to regulate their emotions without an adult for support, and may experience hypervigilance. As part of your role as a foster parent, you’ll help your foster child to navigate their day-to-day emotions and will help them to cope with trauma triggers.  

A trigger in the context of trauma is something which reminds a child of the negative events they have experienced, and which makes them feel as though they are experiencing it again with the same level of fear and emotional turmoil. Triggers can be both big and small, and can happen in even everyday situations: for example, a child who has been involved in a car crash may become fearful and overwhelmed if a video about road safety is played during a school assembly. A child who has been separated from their parents through foster care may become distressed if their foster parent is late to pick them up from school, fearing that they have been abandoned.  

 

Here are a few tips to help your foster child to manage trauma triggers: 

 

• Learn your child’s triggers. By learning your foster child’s triggers through sensitive conversation and observation, you’ll be in the best position to understand when they’re at risk of becoming overwhelmed, helping them navigate challenging moments and avoid potentially upsetting situations.  

 

• Use grounding techniques. You can use co-regulation to help calm your foster child by guiding them through breathing exercises or positive affirmations. The use of sensory toys or calming methods like noise-cancelling headphones or listening to ambient sounds can also help to bring a child back to a state of calm.  

 

• Utilise professional support. Here at Clifford House your Supervising Social Worker will always be on hand to offer you practical support and advice, and we’ll help you to access therapeutic support for your foster child if needed. You’ll also have access to our trauma-informed training, along with additional learning options which include face-to-face sessions and e-learning courses. 

Understanding behaviour through the lens of trauma 

Supporting children who have experienced trauma is a journey that takes time, consistency and lots of loving patience. If a child in your care sometimes struggles with challenging behaviour, it’s important to understand that often these behaviours are survival mechanisms which they developed during a time of extreme turmoil in order to keep themselves safe when there were no adults able to fulfil their needs.  

We can encourage positive behaviour in children by taking the time to understand behaviour for what it is— a form of communication. Any behaviour is an attempt to communicating a need, whether that be a need for more space, a need to feel safe, or simply a need for some comfort or some quiet time. Let’s look at some ways in which you can be mindful of your foster child’s needs to support positive behaviour.  

• Be patient and consistent. When a young person moves into your home environment, they will not know the rules and expectations of the household until they are taught. Perhaps they grew up in a home where exhibiting inappropriate behaviour was the only means of getting attention or having their needs met, or their only way of self-soothing. Give children patience and grace while also setting clear, fair boundaries at home. 

• Be mindful of a child’s developmental age. It is very common that children who have experienced trauma struggle to meet developmental milestones at the same rate as their peers. Children won’t always follow a linear path— for example, you may find that a teenager in your care seems very mature in some areas of life, but displays behaviours you’d expect to see in a much younger child when upset. Use co-regulation strategies with your young person when they need support. By learning to regulate their emotions with an adult, children can learn to manage their emotions independently. 

• Use mindful language. Many children in foster care have never had a chance to build a healthy sense of self-esteem, and may have internalised negative ideas about themselves. As a foster parent, an important part of your job is helping to build their sense of self by challenging any negative beliefs and being mindful of the language you use. Using Language that Cares is a fantastic way to encourage your foster child to thrive while promoting positive behaviour.  

 

Are you ready to foster in the West Midlands? 

Here at Clifford House we support foster families throughout Birmingham, Warwickshire and beyond. If you’d like to become a part of a small, local agency who’ll take the time to really know your family on a personal basis, we’d love to hear from you— contact us today to learn more.